


His Engineer

by Mysenia



Series: Readers Appreciation Fics [6]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 1940s, Angst, Bad Ending, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not Happy, Psychological Torture, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, Tragic Love Story, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:57:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9957875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysenia/pseuds/Mysenia
Summary: In a time where the world is falling to pieces, a soldier really should know better than to fall in love. Too bad Bucky could not predict meeting Tony Stark.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [XCuteAsHale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/XCuteAsHale/gifts).



> For my Bumblebee who is always supportive of my works and one of my best friends! 
> 
> Cute-as-hale asked: I want a prooompt-thingy. WinterIron with the following feeling to it; "Here is one of the worst things about losing someone, it happens again every single morning." (Character death (minor or major, you decide), Angst, Pain, WinterIron, set in the 40's, Human!AU) TAAAKK SKATTEN MIN <3
> 
> \-- For this fic, Tony was born at the same time as Bucky and Steve.
> 
> NOTE: If the tags did not warn you enough, this is not a happy fic.

The war, well it took a lot of things away but most notably were the losses of life. Casualties of war became slaughters of thousands became your brother and father and husband never coming home again.

The ‘40s were not a time to fall in love, not and keep any hope. Bucky knew that, every soldier did, but there is one universal fact - you cannot stop yourself falling in love.

For Bucky, his love was a charmingly sarcastic and terrifyingly brilliant engineer. His love was witty and always ready for a good time, even when bomb threats were falling all around. 

Bucky’s love was taboo, at least to the world at large.

See, the thing is, James Buchanan Barnes - or Bucky as his friends called him - was in love with Anthony Edward Stark, or Tony for short. Tony was the kind of fellow that got along with everyone, always the most popular man in the room, but if he gave you his attention? Well, if Tony Stark gave you his full attention you felt like his moon and stars.

Or, at least, Bucky felt that way.

Tony could handle any weapon put in front of him and when the Howling Commandos was set up it only made sense to bring him along. He was tiny but he worked hard and his big brain worked even harder. Tony was the kind of soldier you wanted at your back, on your team, because he was constantly assessing and analyzing. You could always be sure that once Tony understood a weapon he would have a way to counteract it.

So maybe Bucky was exaggerating but he liked to think not. Bucky liked to fantasize that the world at large just was not advanced enough for someone like his Tony.

But maybe the world also was not advanced enough for someone like Bucky either. Because he loved a man.

It hurt Bucky to not be able to show Tony his love, to be able to freely express himself, but to be caught? That thought was even more horrific. So while Bucky showered his team in as much affection as he could, pulling them in for hugs and pats on the back, he held himself aloof from Tony.

It was the only way and he hated it, but surely any taste would have pushed him over the edge into dangerous territory.

Except, as stated before, Tony was a genius. While the engineer might not understand the human body as well as any machine, his brain worked things out in enviously quick ways.

So when Tony approached him one evening as they were all camped for the night and simply said, “I know.”, well, Bucky was quite unsettled. There was no predicting Tony and Bucky agonized for days for those two simple words. 

However, all the backlash that Bucky was expecting never came. Tony treated him the same as always. Actually, Tony started acting friendlier. 

The team noticed, of course, a sigh of relief going through them now that the tension between Bucky and Tony seemed to have dissipated. They even encouraged the touches that now seemed commonplace, likes hugs and pats and sitting close to each other at night when the fire was burning low.

Bucky did not understand and while he shied away from it outwardly, inwardly he was overwhelmed with a weird sort of joy. He should not like these touches, should not like being closer to Tony, but he did.

Then one night it all came to a head when Bucky was just coming back to camp after going to relieve himself. Apparently Tony had had the same idea and was coming back parallel to him, seeing him Bucky finally decided to make an advance. He turned his trajectory and headed straight for Tony, cutting him off from the camp and dragging him away.

They ended up in a secluded area where Bucky pushed Tony against a tree, his voice suddenly gone at the close proximity. Tony was not wrong-footed though.

“Took you long enough, soldier.” He smirked at Bucky, all loose limbed against the tree - an open invitation.

Bucky growled and leaned in closer, their bodies touching from top to bottom. “That’s the thing with us soldiers, sometimes we’re a little dense in the head.”

Tony threw his head back and laughed quietly, ever aware of their surroundings. That bare throat tempted Bucky so he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to the engineer’s neck before backing away, resting his forehead against Tony’s.

For a moment they just breathed each other in, their breaths moistening each other’s lips, before Tony leaned in to kiss Bucky. It was such a faint touch but Bucky gasped for it all the same. They kissed for mere seconds before pulling away and glancing around.

Bucky could not help but lean in for one last kiss before they broke apart and headed back for camp. They were breathless with their laughter and yet silent in their fear. Even out here, with only their brothers-in-arms, they had to be careful.

That moment in the forest seemed to change the tone for them. It broke up their yearning for each other and there was no stopping it. Stolen kisses here and there, touches that were fleeting but the _meaning_ behind them so very loud and clear. They never went beyond their fleeting touches and sly kisses but it was enough for them.

They loved as brightly as they could in their circumstances.

Bucky is sure they would have loved each other long after the war, too. But life does not work that way for soldiers working the front lines, the covert lines, the lines that got them kidnapped.

Being kidnapped by Red Skull had not factored into anyone’s plans but Bucky kept his head up. He had to, for the team but also for Tony, for Tony whom he could hear screaming in the next room over. That was another torture in and of itself, hearing his engineering cry out begging and gasping - sobbing. It hurt to not be able to reach through the walls and protect Tony from the hands that hurt him.

Not that Bucky was left unharmed but that seemed a pittance compared to being forced to listen to Tony dying. The human body could only take so much and they were not letting up.

When Steve came for them Bucky already knew it was too late for Tony, his brilliant and now deceased engineer. It was almost too hard to get his feet moving, despair dragging him down. Only the thought of Tony, fierce until the last, who would have kept going no matter what, kept Bucky on his feet.

After that he existed. In battle with guns and street-like brawls, he bathed in the searing hot blood of the enemy. It was the only thing that felt real any more. He had never been more savage than after Tony was murdered, never hungered to see the light leave the enemies eyes so much as he did after his love was gone.

At that point though all the Howling Commandos fought with a bloodthirsty vengeance so Bucky fit right in.

When the hairbrained plan came in to zip-line down between mountains onto a moving train Bucky jumped at the chance. He was giving it his all and every death defying act kept his blood pumping. He followed closely after Steve and landed shakily on the train, kept pace with Steve as the Captain slipped into a train car. 

Their guns were out and the shot when they could, taking out enemies with teamwork. When the next armoured man came for them Bucky braced against Steve’s back but whatever was shot at them blew them off their feet.

Bucky felt the adrenaline surge in his system and he jumped back to his feet. He had scooped up the Captain’s shield at his feet and shot but the armoured man blasted him back with another shot from his advanced gun and Bucky flew.

He knew he flew farther out than he should have, outside the train - the hole a result of the first blast - and he barely managed to catch onto the side of the train. And Bucky knew, in that moment, that this was the end of the line for him. He practically cried for the relief of it.

He did not have to push on, pretend like he was fine. He was free now even as he held on. Tony would have wanted him to hold on; Steve did want him to hold on. 

There was a pinch of disappointed in Bucky when Steve suddenly showed up through the hole in the train, hand reaching out. However he reached out nonetheless, pushed himself to keep moving forward as he had done since the moment Tony’s cries stopped on the other side of the wall.

The train jolted and the pipe Bucky was holding came loose. He saw in that moment Steve’s abject horror, his strain to grab his best friend.

Bucky reached out one last time, urged his arm to grow longer so that he could save Steve the pain of what Bucky knew he would feel. Pain Bucky was horribly and intimately familiar with. But the laws of physic and gravity and human anatomy do not work that way and so Bucky fell.

He was sorry to leave Steve, to leave behind the Howling Commandos, but the relief eclipsed that. He was finally going home, he finally did not have to pretend anymore, he could finally let go.

He was going to see his engineer.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think.
> 
> ~ M


End file.
